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Come, listen, ye students of every degree; I sing of a wit and a tutor perdie, A statesman profound, a critic immense, In short a mere jumble of learning and sense; And yet of his talents though laudably vain, His own family arts he could never attain. His father, intending his fortune to build, In his youth would have taught him the trowel to wield, But the mortar of discipline never would stick, For his skull was secured by a facing of brick; And with all his endeavours of patience and pain, The skill of his sire he could never attain. His mother, a housewife neat, artful, and wise, Renown'd for her delicate biscuit and pies, soon alter'd his studies, by flattering his taste, From the raising of walls to the rearing of paste! But all her instructions were fruitless and vain; The pie-making mystery he ne'er could attain. Yet true to his race, in his labours were seen A jumble of both their professions, I ween; For, when his own genius he ventured to trust, His pies seemed of brick, and his houses of crust. Then good Mr. Tutor, pray be not so vain, Since your family arts you could never attain.

This impudent production was the most effectual vengeance he could have taken on his tutor, who had all the supercilious arrogance and ridiculous pride of a low-born pedant. Instead of overlooking this petulant piece of satire with that temper and decency of disdain that became a person of his gravity and station, he no sooner cast his eye over the performance, than the blood rushed into his countenance, and immediately after exhibited a ghastly pale colour. With a quivering lip, he told his pupil, that he was an impertinent jackanapes; and he would take care that he should be expelled from the university, for having presumed to write and deliver such a licentious and scurrilous libel. Peregrine answered, with great resolution, that when the provocation he had received should be known, he was persuaded that he should be acquitted by the opinion of all impartial people; and that he was ready to submit the whole to the decision of the master.

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